"When Peter saw him, he asked, "Lord, what about him? Jesus answered , If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me." John 21:21-22 (NIV version, emphasis added, read the whole story in John 21:15-22)
Raise your hand if you like to have some one point out your flaws. That's funny I didn't raise my hand either. Let's admit it, we don't like to admit that we are wrong. I had that moment yesterday. I was sitting on the couch early one morning just finishing up my devotions when Mom walked in. "Can I ask you a question?"
My mind raised a red flag with a giant question mark followed by an exclamation point. "Uhhh. I guess."
First she gave me the clue to the source of her question. I had recently become very concerned about God's will for me. The question preying on my mind had been "Am I doing what God wants me to do or is there is something else, something more that He wants me to do?" I didn't want to miss out on God's plan by settling for less.
Mom's words began to work like a hoe chopping at a big weed. "Do you feel like you need to do something important in order to do God's will? Are you comparing yourself to your friends thinking what they are doing is important and what you are doing is not? You are a big help to me and our family. By doing the garden for us you are providing for our food. I need help with laundry and meals so I have time to teach your brothers and sister. Living at home and serving your family is just as important to God. There is so much that I wish you could help me with (she began to explain to me my brother with downsyndrom's very time consuming and hands on education needed for him to advance in his learning)".
Now, I really hadn't been thinking like that had I? I had recognized that problem weed before in my heart, yet I did want to do something that seemed important like volunteering at a therapeutic riding facility in Iowa or training horses or giving riding lessons. Yet, the more I thought about it, the more I realized she was right. Although I had been trying to bury it with good intentions to do what I enjoyed for God, that weed of discontent kept poking to the surface. I knew that I could do what I enjoyed at home and still be serving God. I could and had been using my skills with cattle and horses to help Dad on the farm. The biggest problem I had was the idea of God's will to be helping Mom in the house, possibly even helping teach my siblings. I didn't mind cooking or baking for some meals and doing laundry once in a while, but on a regular basis with the possible addition of helping teach one of my siblings? I liked to be outside gardening, training/riding my horse & pony, or helping with the cattle. I explained this to Mom, ending with, "God will have to change my heart, because my heart is not in it right now."
Not long after making that comment to Mom, Dad came in. "I let the cattle into the cow lot since they were breaking their buts to get in there.
I don't know why they want to be in there when they have the whole pasture with long grass to eat. The grass in there isn't any better if not the same."
Let me reword it in the way God spoke to me,
"I don't know why you want to be somewhere else when you have the whole pasture of opportunities at home and in your own community to use your abilities. The "grass" over there isn't any better if not the same as what you already have now. The grass that others have may look greener to you, but it's not to them. You need to be content with where I have put you, the pasture that I have placed you in." I knew I had been selfish. It didn't matter if I didn't always feel appreciated or that I already had many responsibilities. The problem was that I was telling God what He wanted me to do rather than letting God work through me wherever I was and whatever I did. The problem was that I was only open to serving God in the areas that I liked and not open to serving God in areas that I didn't like. God's needle of humility deflated my balloon of selfishness. You are right God, Mom is right. I know I'm not going to like everything that you want me to do, but please enable me to be content and serve my family with a joyful spirit. Thanks for reminding me once again to bloom where You have planted me.
Be ye strong therefore and let not your hands be weak: for your work shall be rewarded.
2 Chronicles 15:7
Pride
is tasteless, colorless, sizeless
but
hard to swallow.
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