Have you had one of those days, where you just feel grumpy? It's not really because of what anyone else is doing or that things are going particularly bad, it's just that your mind is overwhelmed. I was having one of those days. The interesting thing was, that what I had read in my Bible reading that morning had been all about rejoicing in the Lord. I had been amazed at how over and over again throughout the Bible, whenever joy is mentioned so is God. True joy comes complete trust in the Lord. The only thing that can bring my heart joy is God, no other person or thing.
It was a hot muggy afternoon and my clothes were sticking to my skin as I crouched down to pull some weeds from beneath a potato plant. Although weeding used to seem rather wearisome to me, I've begun to look forward to it as the time that I spend alone in deep thought (sometimes I wonder if it gives me too much time to think) but it's also when I talk to God. I also try to listen to His Spirit reminding me of things that I've been taught growing up, in a sermon, or during my devotions. Today, my conversation was not one of praise to the Lord, but rather one of discouragement. "God how am I going to do all that needs to be done this week? There's all these decisions and opportunities that I have to make. I'm so confused. I don't like these in between times. I want to know what's right and what wrong, whether to do something or not, and if this will work or not. I don't like not knowing." I was silent for a while. Suddenly I sat up and paused as I seemed to hear God say, "Trust". "That's true. I'm not trusting, You," I thought. If I had been, these things that were heavy on my heart and mind wouldn't be bothering me. I was afraid to trust in my loving Heavenly Father who knows what's best for me better than I do. I wrestled with my thoughts but finally with some reluctance, surrendered the cares of my heart and burdens on my mind to Christ. I sighed, even though I was letting God take the reigns, I still felt like God was shaking up my life, leaving my thoughts swirling in a sea of confusion.
That night on our way to prayer meeting, a part of me really hoped that what we would be studying tonight would be just what I needed, but another part of me doubted that it would have much inspiration. God disproved my doubts. The study was about Abraham. Oh, how that man trusted God! Trust, it had been what God had told me that I needed to do. God was reaffirming in my mind that He indeed was asking me to trust Him. My thoughts traveled back to something that a friend had shared with me that morning. I had apologized for showing up late and commented on not knowing where my life is headed right now. They had responded, that a true disciple of Jesus doesn't always know exactly what is going on in their life, because they are a follower of Jesus and He is the One directing their life. When Jesus told His disciples that He was going to leave them --going to die on the cross-- they didn't understand. They were probably thinking, "What?" Sometimes what God says or does, isn't going to make sense to us, because it's not our way, it's His. Just like when God told Abraham to sacrifice his only son, Isaac. Abraham may have been thinking, "You want me to do what? I don't understand. I waited so long. You promised me this son. Why would God ask me to kill him, not just that but sacrifice him, a pagan practice?" God was testing Abraham. Would Abraham trust God? Yes. I don't know if I could have done what Abraham did, but I'm not Abraham. I'm Hannah and God gives instructions that are specific for me and I must choose to trust Him even if it doesn't always make sense.
Trust God, even if it doesn't make sense.